Listening

God gave me the gift of "listening". Through me, He ministers to people, just by my being willing to actively listen to them. Most people don't need or want advice, they just need someone to hear them as they work through their own situations. When I start giving advice, I get in their way.
I love Marcia Willett's books. They are not "Christian" but they get to the heart of people. She seems to have lots of understanding of the human condition.
In Second Time Around, she gives a great description of what we all want from a listener!
She wondered why she never found his questions intrusive; perhaps it was because she felt that he really cared about her. When Will listened she felt that he really heard what she was saying. He thought about it and genuinely entered into her fears and ideas. So many friends listened with half an ear, her problems merely striking a chord in their own breasts so that, when she'd finished, their response was invariably, 'Oh, I know exactly what you mean. When I was. . .' and she knew that they weren't really interested in helping her but had been waiting for the opportunity to tell their own story. Or, 'I know just how you feel.' Whilst she was grateful at this attempt to sympathise she had an urge to scream, 'No you don't! How I feel is unique to me. Please respect it. Try to understand me.' Even worse was the flat, 'Tell me about it,' which Isobel always saw as a put down; as a 'I've been through all that and far worse than you could be suffering it. You can't tell me anything about pain. . . or loss. . . or loneliness. . . or being broke . . . ' or whatever it was that she had been about to communicate. 'Tell me about it' always shut her up at once. She had a fear that her own problems had been brought about by her own selfishness and that she really had no right to sympathy. To have Will to talk to was a tremendous luxury.
Only, having someone to talk to shouldn't be a luxury. It should what everyone has.
"The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them."  Ralph Nichols
"One friend, one person who is truly understanding, who takes the trouble to listen to us as we consider a problem, can change our whole outlook on the world."  Dr. E. H. Mayo
So, when someone you love comes by next, remember that to listen is an act of love.